Nothing says “hate me” quite like an iWatch… [Editorial]

So yesterday, some more nonsense accidentally fell into the rumor mill, and out popped the iWatch. The “iWatch” as a concept isn’t actually new at all, back in 2010, LUNATIK, makers of the insane TAKTIK iPhone case, launched a Kickstarter project known as TikTok. It was a really simple concept that turned your iPod nano into a multi functioning timepiece, all you had to do was snap your iPod into a wrist dock, as seen below.

There was also a slightly more industrial version comprised of stainless steel, and high grade silicone rubber to offer a more substantial and permanent solution.

The project was an instantaneous success, raising $942,578 of its $15,000 goal. Needless to say, LUNATIK is now doing quite well, and it sells a wide range of watch kits, mostly based around Apple’s iPod nano. Even more significant is the success of Pebble, another Kickstarter project that has seen tremendous success.

 

 

Alongside these Kickstarter projects, there’s also Sony’s Smart Watch, designed for use with Android software.

The most advanced smart watch technology is probably the I’M Watch, which has its own fully fledged operating system and app store, and is described as the worlds first true “Smart Watch”.

It would appear then, that contrary to my opening statements, the concept of an iWatch, isn’t really nonsense at all, in fact, it’s not even a concept, its a financially viable and commercially successful product. This fact however, makes the prospect of an Apple iWatch all the more unrealistic. The fact that two well established products of this nature already exists would render any Apple equivalent a complete rip-off. Regardless of variation, the product would immediately fall into disrepute, going down as a blatant copy of an existing product. And it’s not like Apple would be totally shaking up a market the way it did with the iPod, because the current market is such a niche market, that it is almost impossible to create an original device. It would be like Apple releasing the iPod again, today, in an attempt to revolutionise today’s MP3 player market, which is already dominated by the iPod.

Apple-iWatch

Granted, things are on a much smaller scale here, but the reality is the same, the iWatch already exists, and for that reason alone, Apple almost certainly won’t be making one. And besides, even if Apple did make an iWatch on a whole new level of innovation, it wouldn’t stop you from looking like a total goon when you wore it…

For as long as I can remember, there’s been a certain stigma attached to owning Apple products, but not all of them. For example, if you own a large, desktop Mac, then you are regarded as an esteemed professional, most likely to be a connoisseur of media entertainment. When it comes to the iPod, every man and his dog has one, so you’re okay there too. In fact, it’s considered fairly strange to own an Mp3 player that isn’t an iPod these days… MacBooks are recognised as  a sign of sophisticated portability, most notably in Starbucks. But once you buy and iPhone or an iPad, you become an “iSheep”, or a Luddite who simply isn’t capable of working Android. To many, the premium nature of Apple’s devices gives off a vibe of supremacy, as if to say “I’m better than you…” That leaves us with two distinct categories of Apple product, and the concept of an iWatch, sits very firmly in the latter of the two…

I mean seriously, just imagine having to wear one of these in public. The thought actually makes me feel a little bit sick… Whilst remaining aware that the above image is a concept, suppose that a potential iWatch did indeed look like this, that isn’t a good start. Over the last century watches have evolved from simple timepieces into fashion statements. Wearing an iWatch would certainly be a statement of some sort, but what would it say about your sense of style, or rather your lack of style?

However, it would be unfair to dismiss a potential Apple product on the grounds that it might be hideous, because Apple is renowned for making some absolutely stunning devices. So, if we take for granted that such an Apple device might look agreeable, perhaps even awesome, what problems are we left with?

Just one. You see, regardless of whether or not this device looks incredible, or has tons of really cool features, at the end of the day, it is still an iWatch. For starters, the name “iWatch”, sounds really corny, and a bit pompous if you ask me. Apple almost certainly wouldn’t give it that name, but that’s the name it would be stuck with, forever. I imagine the word “iWatch” has the potential to kill a conversation stone dead at any time and in any place. And whilst the conversation may die as soon as you say the word “iWatch”, you’re still left with the task of explaining just what the heck is on your wrist, and what possessed you to buy it…

“Wow, what’s that?”

“It’s an iWatch?”

“A what?”

“An iWatch?”

“Oh yeah! I remember the Kickstarter project, how are Pebble doing these days?”

“It’s not by Pebble”

“You went with LUNATIK huh?”

“Uhm, no, this is Apple’s own version?”

“You mean they just copied those guys?”

“Well not really, it has loads of really cool features…”

“Like what?”

“Well, you can use it to tell the time see!”

“So it’s a watch, don’t you already have a watch?”

“No look it plays music too!”

“So it’s an iPod, I thought you already had an iPod?”

“But it does both!”

“Okay… It’s an iPod running the clock app.”

“No because it has Bluetooth, so I can access notifications and information on my iPhone!”

“Wait, you have an iPhone? Doesn’t that do all this stuff already?”

“Well yeah, but now I don’t have to take my iPhone out of my pocket, I can see it on my wrist!”

“Ah, so you’re just lazy?”

“Well it doesn’t take a lot of energy to grab my iPhone anyway, so not really…”

“Then why do you need an iWatch?”

“I just told you!”

“Are you sure you’re not a hipster?”

“Please, being a hipster is so mainstream…”

“Goodbye”

@TiP_Stephen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • vange92

    Sorry, but Stephen, you sound like a real jerk!

  • Nycjaimenyc

    This is article is a great example of what everyone said when the first iPhone was about to be released. I’m sure Stephan wrote this biased article on his iPad.

  • Guest911

    Steve – this is really sad. Is this the best you can do? If you were trying to be funny, you failed. If you were serious, you should be fired. Your choice.

  • Photopete07

    99.9% of the public has never even heard of these other watches. But everyone will know about the iWatch. That’s the danger of being a crass writer in the tech echo chamber: you lose perspective of what it’s like to be an average consumer in the normal, regular world. Sure, you may know all about these other watches. But it doesn’t mean everyone else has.

  • Photopete07

    As for your criticism about the name “iWatch”, apparently you have an extremely short memory because you have forgotten all the ridicule over the name “iPad.” Gee, I wonder how successful that Apple “pad” product became? Hmmm. And let’s not forget all the ridicule that the iPad itself received: “It’s just a giant iPod! Who would ever buy one?! What would you ever use it for?!” Same ignorance, different product.

  • TiP_Stephen

    @vange92 Please, elaborate? :-)

  • TiP_Stephen

    @Nycjaimenyc  I wrote this on a PC actually. Will you be buying an iWatch?

  • TiP_Stephen

    It wasn’t funny because I wasn’t joking, just as you are allowed to have your opinion, am I not allowed to have mine? Will you be buying an iWatch?

  • TiP_Stephen

    @Photopete07 The name “iPad” was ridiculed because it sounded like a new feminine hygiene product. Will you be buying an iWatch?