Ever since the news came out that Apple is collaborating over a new “revolutionary” product with French designer, Phillippe Starck, my mind’s been going crazy with what that could mean. Admittedly, my thoughts got away from me a little. Some of these are far, far less likely than others.
Ever since Steve Jobs spoke the words “I cracked it” to his biographer, Walter Isaacson, the Apple fan world has been going crazy with rumors about the next new product that Cupertino is currently (allegedly) designing. The HDTV will surely be more than just a TV. Expect it to be the new hub of your life, and have incredible resolution. Would Apple dare put a Retina display on a 50″ TV? Why not.
It would set a new standard for definition, and make every other Plasma, LED, or LCD screen look like a 1980s tube. Not to mention, with its link to iTunes and the App Store, you’ll never need to buy DVDs, CDs or Games consoles every again. It will replace everything in your entertainment system.
Apple is constantly involved in lawsuits with its top competitors, all of whom “slavishly copy” our favorite brand. These cases undoubtedly take up a lot of man hours, why not build a smart Siri-powered assistant with extensive knowledge of copyright law in physical form? iLawyer will be programmed to create reality distortion fields at will, and be able to convince any judge, jury or defendant that Apple is indeed the best company, and anything else is a poor imitation. Any expense on this project will easily be paid for by the winnings from court cases. Thanks to Phillippe’s taste in design, it will be the best dressed lawyer in the world.
Design meets function. Think iPod nano, with an irremovable watch strap made from Koala hide. It tells the time, and reads all your messages to you. Thanks to connection with iCloud, it needs no storage capacity and can stream all your video and music content wirelessly. We mustn’t forget that the watch unit is carved from a single piece of Aluminum and it has a 1-inch ultra-sharp display.
Everything you need inside the suburban house of your dreams. All your gadgets inside are Apple branded. The glass walls and glowing Apple logo lamps and light fittings mean that anyone passing can look in and envy your California designed home. Starck designed furniture throughout, and of course it comes complete with its very own walled garden. You can sit in it and admire it, but, to plant anything new you must get authorisation from the Apple Plant Store.
Lavatories have had the same design ever since Thomas Crapper supposedly invented the first flushing loo. Apple and Starck will combine to make a toilet so good, it’s outside the bathroom for everyone to see. It’s magical features include turning your business in to gold bullion, and it’s intelligent and learning. Once it knows your daily excavation routine, it comes to you at the perfect time. It’s square, and made from Aluminum and Glass. Super slippy, but who cares, no one ever looked this good taking a dump.
Retina display was achieved, resolutions are only going to get higher on displays, so now Apple needs to create new eyes. In order to be able to tell the difference between 326ppi on the current iPhone and the 652ppi on the next one, people need new retinas. Upgrade your eyes in any Apple store for $999, they will have trained iSurgeons hiding behind the Genius bar. For a fee of $24.99 per year, you’ll be able to stream high-def content to your new eyeballs via iCloud. Take that, Project Glass.
7. New iPods
On a more serious note: what if the French designer was used to collaborate on some really sexy designs for a new, innovative range of iPods? They’ve needed a refresh for years, and a new perspective might be all the popular MP3 players need to be invigorated.
What areas of your day to day life does Apple need to revolutionize? Leave your comments in our snazzy new comments system down below. Be as serious, or snarky as you like.