Matt’s Top 5 “One More Thing(s)…” that would surprise us

After numerous (alleged) leaks of hardware prototypes, it seems that this time around Mr. Jobs isn’t going to have a whole lot of surprises at next week’s WWDC keynote. I, for one, think that Steverino has a few more tricks up his sleeve.

I’ve put on my sleuth hat and dug into an elite network of Apple insiders — at least the ones who reside in my imagination. (Translation: I made up some stuff.) I present them to you here, five predictions for Steve Jobs’ “One More Thing” on June 7.

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iPhone no longer only for humans: Tired of fickle humans, and realizing that cats use Android almost exclusively, Steve points out that the most loyal potential iPhone customers would be of the canine variety. Dubbed the “iFang,” this new device can be attached to a collar and has a paw-friendly touch screen. While demoing the Paw-dora app (which offers smells based upon other smells the user has previously enjoyed), Jobs reminds everyone that Apple has always had the canine market in mind. “Apple is the company who brought you the first dog-friendly Web browser…CyberDog,” he says. “I know you all thought it was about OpenDoc, but really, we were paving the way for a new future of canines to be connected in ways never before thought possible.”

Flash support: “I know, I know, we made this big stink about Flash,” Jobs will admit. “But then we realized without Flash, you can’t watch stuff on Hulu.” Steve will then explain that the new iPhone will contain a dedicated sub-processor for executing all Flash content. “We weren’t wrong,” Jobs clarifies.”It’s just that users weren’t ready for Flash until iPhone 4.”

It’s not just a phone; it’s a web server: Taking the “break into the enterprise” tack even further, Jobs will offhandedly mention that the new iPhone can be used to power a mid-sized website. “Configuring a web server can take hours,” Jobs says. “We believe that a website should be launched with the touch of an icon.” Unfortunately, the “iWebServer” app that supports the multitasking API doesn’t work on the iPhone 3G, so whenever those users get an incoming phone call, it will take the site down.

Microsoft Office on the iPhone/iPad: Despite constant efforts to make everyone believe iWork is a viable office suite, Jobs will introduce the release of Microsoft Office on the Apple mobile device line. “Microsoft Office may be a niche product, but we think it has a lot of promise. We’re just pleased to partner with them and help them get the word out,” Steve will say. “Thanks to the introduction of iWork, people are now ready for the concept of a suite of products to perform these types of tasks.” No word on when Flight Simulator will be available on the iPhone.

Phone Genius: The new iPhone will feature an embedded algorithm to determine who you would most enjoy calling, based upon vocal stress patterns and durations of previous calls. The native phone app will now feature a Genius icon which will automatically choose the person from your Contacts that would be the best conversation. “There’s more,” Steve will slyly mention.” By connecting your phone’s account with the iTunes Store, we can make recommendations for people to call who aren’t even in your Contacts.” No mention is made of a Genius feature for voicemail.

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Short of this, could Jobs unveil anything that would actually surprise us at this point? I’m dubious, but like all of you, I can’t wait to find out this Monday. Join us here at Today’s iPhone, where we’ll have the coverage.