Chicks ‘n Clicks: Digital breakups

Cleaning up after a breakup sucks. There’s the awkward return of belongings. You have to go “Clean Sweep” on your apartment and get rid of anything that tugs at those heartstrings, which, lets face it, is EVERYTHING. And then there’s the dreaded changing of your Facebook status. It’s bad enough that your entire network will know about your failed relationship, you don’t have time to think about one of the most important things: your phone.

You might think that your apartment has a lot of memories, but take a look at your phone. There are texts, pictures, call logs, etc. I’m going to help you get through a digital breakup. You don’t even have to get dressed or get off the couch for this. What you will need is your phone charger (this could take a while), some tissues and maybe even a bottle of wine (what?) .

Delete your text history
No, don’t just delete the text. If he texts you again, that whole history will pop back up. Edit the text, delete the WHOLE thing. Trust me, it is NOT pretty scrolling through weeks of texts. Call it reminiscing, call it weak — either way, it’s going to do more damage than good.

Delete all photos and videos
I realize that this one is difficult, but remember, everything is backed up on your computer. (You ARE backing up right? Right?!) It’s one thing to have these tucked away in a special folder on your Mac, but it’s another to carry them around in your pocket. What happens if you meet Mr. Right, and when you turn on your phone to show your newest app, a picture of you and Mr. Not-So-Wonderful pops up on the screen? Get rid of ‘em.

Don’t do it
One thing I did when going through a pretty nasty break up was to put “Don’t Do It” in front of his name in my contact book. That way if I were to ever lose all rational thought (it happens) and, against my best judgment and threats from friends, decided to call, there would be one last reminder that it’s probably not the best idea.

Replace number
Just because it might seem like a great time to text and let him know how over him you are, trust me, it’s not. If you can’t bring yourself to delete his number, then replace it with that of someone who makes you smile and laugh. It’s okay to call on friends during a weak moment. You’ll feel better after a quick chat with your BFF.

Delete all known associates
If you didn’t win his friends in the divorce, delete them from your contact book. You’re not close. You’re not going to call them. They’re not going to call you. It’ll be easier if you don’t stumble upon a name and then remember that one time when you all went out and blah, blah, blah…

Standard ringtone
Get rid of that special song you programmed specifically for him. You know that a part of you waits for that tune to start playing because that means he’s calling. But you have to stop thinking of him as your boyfriend. You’re “just friends” now. While we’re taking care of special statuses, erase him from your favorites/speed dial, too.

Unsync
If you’re okay with seeing his statuses pop up, then it’s okay to remain friends on Twitter or Facebook. But if you ever start feeling uncomfortable with his post-breakup life, then maybe it’s time to de-friend or at least unsync your Twitter feed from your text messages. You don’t need those popping up while you’re out having fun.

So there you have it. There’s the secret to happiness, er, at least a happier iPhoning experience. You know when you’re packing up your apartment, and you have no idea where all this stuff came from? You don’t realize how much you really had until you have to put it all in a box. Well, that’s kind of what happens to your phone when you’re in a relationship. You don’t notice how it’s become your diary, your photo album and biggest keeper of memories until you’re forced to let go of some of them.